Wedding guests inviting additional guests?

Dear Miss Smarty Pants:
The response cards in my wedding invitations had a space for "We have reserved ___ of seats in your honor." In the case of one family, I put the number 5. I even wrote in all 5 individual names to avoid confusion and make it clear that guests were not exchangable if one we intended to invite could not make it. When they mailed in the RSVP card, they crossed out the number 5 and replaced it with a 7, writing in the names of the two extra guests that were not invited. What do I do?

You write them a note that reads as follows:

I'm terribly sorry but due to budget constraints, we are not able to allow extra guests. I must request that only the the 5 original invited guests attend. I'm sure you will understand that in this economy, I've had to make very hard decisions about whom I am able to invite and I cannot allow any of my guests to add people to the guest list as I am limited to the number of people that I have contracted for with the caterer and the venue. I look forward to seeing the 5 members of your family that received the original invitation and no more can be added. Thank you for understanding.

If they are upset and decline the invitation, it frees up 5 spots on the guest list. It is the height of rudeness for them to have done this and do not tolerate it or let them get away with it. This is YOUR wedding and YOU decide whom you wish to have present!

Group Travel- Etiquette

Dear Teri,

A group of friends (4) have planned a weekend trip. one individual has to cancel due to illness- should the other friends go? no money would be lost if the weekend trip did not occur. i was just wondering if it was rude to continue with the trip if the whole idea was the 4 friends spending a weekend together before graduation.
Answer:
She can't help that she got sick, and I know I would feel worse if my friends canceled a long-planned trip just because I couldn't make it! If the rest of you want to go then go--as difficult as it is to plan anything these days, don't waste it now!

Sweet 16 invites, I only want to have adults & teens

Dear Teri,
Planning a surprise Hollywood theme Sweet 16 party (tent, rented chairs, tables, DJ) in backyard. Want to invite friends and neighbors, but don't want the 12 and under set (their kids) running around- can I state on the invitation children 13 and over? I will however have my neices and nephews from out of town ranging from 1/2 to 12 attending with their parents, but many of my friends liitle ones are wild and my I know my daughter (and me) do not want these kids running around. What do you think? What if friends have multiple children that range from tot to teen? Do I formally exclude the liitle ones?
Answer:
You are perfectly within your rights to choose whom you wish to have at your party, and clearly state on your invitation that the party is for teenagers 13 and over only. When the RSVPs begin coming in, tell the people that only those 13 and over are invited. The polite way to do this is to say: We are so glad that (Over 13 yr old) will be coming to the party, I have some names of great babysitters if you need help finding a sitter for (underage child)! The other way to do this politely is to send a specific invitation to each teen that is invited. When you speak to their parents, you can say something like "We are so glad that Samantha is able to come to the party." This should make it clear that it is an invitation for Samantha alone--not her younger siblings. You can then casually invite whichever adults you wish to have attend by telephone.

50th wedding anniversary

Question:
My parents are celebrating 50 years of marriage on 11/11/08. I am hosting a party for them on 11/8/08. My question is: What date do I use for personalizing on napkins, favors, topper for cake etc. Do I use their 50 year ago date or use the date of the party or the actual date being this year?HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer:
You don't need to use a date at all. Just do the the 50 year theme, it's what everyone does. All party stores will have the '50' cake topper candle, 50th anniversary napkins, favors, etc. If you want the actual dates then you are going to have to spend some serious money for custom printing. The invitations read either "50th" or "Golden" wedding anniversary and then you can write the dates in if you like although it isn't necessary--people will believe you. My in-laws are having their 50th in Feb and my hubby is an only child so I am at a loss for what to do for them.

50th Birthday Party

Question:
I am giving myself a 50th birthday party. What would be the correct wording for the invitation? And should gifts be mentioned?

Answer:
Gifts are never ever mentioned in an invitation unless you are declining all gifts. The wording should be something like this:Please join me in celebrating my first half-century on this planet. or Please join me to mourn the passing of my youth.or if you are more formal it might read The pleasure of your company is requested at my 50th birthday party. Then givethe date,time,place and Rsvp information. Have fun!

Proper Dress for a football game

Question:
I am attending my grandson's first college football game. He attends a private college and I want to accordingly. I don't know exactly how casual to go.

Answer:
Football is football no matter how fancy the school. Dress for the weather as it can be quite chilly in the northeast schools in the winter. Nicely fitting jeans or wool slacks, good quality shoes, and a good quality sweater with a cashmere scarf will give you style and comfort. Low rise jeans with the muffin top looks terrible on anyone and cheap shoes are serious no-no. Nothing says monied class like a wool sweater and a cashmere scarf with a pair of Bass loafers. A good pair of Portolano gloves, is also a nice thing to have.

Is Asking for a Cash Gift Appropriate? How much?

Question:
My female boss is getting married and because it will be her second marriage, they are asking for cash to help with their honeymoon. What amount is appropriate?

Answer:
It is incredibly tacky to ask for cash as a wedding gift. In polite society it is simply NOT done, and I am astonished that she would commit such an incredible social faux pas. To ask for cash as a wedding gift insults your guests in two ways. The first way implies that they do not have adequate taste to select an appropriate gift. The second way implies that the wedding is being used as a fundraising operation, much the same as having your mother throw you a shower, it is simply NOT done. That being said, the amount that's appropriate is whenever is within your budget should you decide to attend the wedding. If you do not attend the wedding you're not obligated to give any gift, cash or otherwise. Also, you don't have to give cash for a gift even though it was requested, you are welcome to purchase an appropriate gift of your choice.

Ordering etiquette in a restaurant

QUESTION:

Is it Proper Etiquette and Good Manners for the Host to order first before his/her guests?

Answer:
You can ask your host questions like "What's good here?" and if s/he tells you the lobster and filet are great then order whatever. Most people don't take others to a restaurant if they can't afford the price of the dinner check, but it's polite to ask. It doesn't really matter who orders when at a restaurant since all the food comes to the table at the same time and the waitstaff will take orders from each person and serve in whatever order they choose to--unless it's a very fine restaurant. Most don't know the difference.

Bridal Shower Invitations

Question:
I'm trying to plan a bridal shower for my sister who is having a destination wedding in Turks & Caicos AND a 175 guest reception at a venue after we come back from the island. She wants to invite EVERY woman on the guest list for the big reception and also wants a super fancy over-the-top shower. She barely speaks to half of these people-- and to give her the shower of her dreams just can't happen with 70 guests. What should I do?

Answer:
Tell her she has to cut her guest list to the number you specify because you are unable to host a shower for more than that many people and also, it's improper for a relative of the bride to give the shower--it has to be a friend--so you can't do it anyway.

Funeral Thank You Cards

Question:
Is it proper to send thank you cards out to people who have attended a funeral of your loved one. The funeral home gave us the guest book along with Thank You cards. I didn't think I had to thank you for them paying respect. I need to know what I should do?

Answer:
You send thank you cards to the people who sent flowers (or made donations to a charity in your loved one's name) and brought food. No one else needs to receive one, but the ones who did thoughtful things should receive one. Basically you write something along the lines of "Thank you so much for your kindness and support during this difficult time" and you have 6-8 weeks to send them out.

Who goes first?

Question:
Hi I am 23 old teacher of French language from the Czech Republic. With one of my student we are arguing about this question: Who is going first up to the steps. A man or a woman? I think that it should be the man because if the man goes after he could look the woman's legs under the skirt. My student thinks that in all cases it is always man who goes after the woman to catch her in the case she falls down or something like that. Thank you for your answer! Martina

Answer:
If possible they go side by side so that he can assist her. Ladies first is always the rule--and it's not a thrill to peek at a skirt with the thing available on the internet these days!

1st Birthday

Question:

I would like to celebrate my daughter's first birthday and my Mother suggested the family have dinner at a local resturaunt. I would like to invite my immediate family as well as my Aunt & Uncle and their adult children and grandchildren. My husband and I cannot afford to pay for everyone's dinner. Is their a polite way to invite everyone to join us without paying for their meal? My husband doesn't want to have a party at our house & mother will not go to a birthday party at the park. Please advise.

Answer:

You word it like this:Please come celebrate Angel's first birthday and the Restaurant Name.We are having cake after dinner and the restaurant has offered everyone a special dinner price for selected menu items or you can order from the regular menu. I'd go for the party in the park if I were you.By the way, I can pretty much guarantee that if your mom has to choose between party in the park and not getting to see Angel's first birthday party, she'll go to the park. Don't let people manipulate you--when my mother pulls this crap I just say "What a shame--we'll miss not having you with us." She shows up every time.

Social Etiquette and Good Manners

Question:

Should the host of a luncheon invite guests that they know but the guest of honor does not know? Should the invited guests of the host do something special for the host during the luncheon? The host will be the guest of honor the following year. Also could you tell me where the Guest of Honor should be seated?Thank you for your time

Answer:

The guest of honor does not need to know all of the guests, they can be introduced. The guests should conduct themselves according to proper social standards, if they are paying for their own meal, there is nothing special they are required to do at the luncheon for the host. If the host is paying for the luncheon, then a thank-you note is required. The Guest of Honor is always seated next to the Host on the right hand side.

Have a wonderful time at your luncheon!

Limo Princess