Miscarriage

Dear Limo Princess,
My sister-in-law and brother recently had a miscarriage...is it appropriate to send a gift basket (i.e. favorite snacks, flowers) i live across the country but want them to know i am thinking of them-but do not want to seem tacky.

Dear Sister,
Send a handwritten condolence letter from the heart. Do not use any phrase such as "there will be other babies" as that sounds so patronizing, but a sincere letter from the heart written in your hand on nice stationary will mean more than anything. Don't send a basket--she probably has baby things she can't bear to look at right now. Take her to lunch the next time you are there visiting--when she's physically recovered or for a pedicure--and if she wants to talk about it, just listen. Phone her and let her bring it up and again, just listen, and if she doesn't mention it then don't either. This will mean more to her than anything. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sympathetically,
Limo Princess

Wedding Vows

Dear Limo Princess,
I am getting married overseas, my parents aren't able to attend our wedding but I would still like to include them in the vows. Help. Is there any sites or do you have any suggestions that include parents who can't attend the wedding in the wedding vows?
Thank you,Erica

Dear Erica,
I put my wedding on YouTube for my parents who were unable to attend. I would suggest you get a laptop with a web cam and let them watch it live--and you can also put the video on YouTube for everyone to see and enjoy! Might as well take advantage of the technology available to us!
Blessings, Limo Princess

FOLLOW-UP QUESTION: Thanks for the answer but it wasn't quite what I meant. I would like to somehow have the Celebrant acknowledge that my parents cannot be there in person, and am seeking the words or wording to do so.

Ahhhhhhhhh OK! When the part of the ceremony comes where the officiant asks: Who gives this woman to this man, you have a surrogate stand up and say something like: "Her parents Mr and Mrs Smith do even though they can't be here to share the joy" and then sit down.I misinterpreted your question Erica, I'm so sorry! I hope this is what you are looking for. It doesn't have to be those exact words but it should be to the point and not be a speech.'
Blessings and Congratulations!
Limo Princess

engagement party attire

Dear Limo Princess;
We are having an brunch engagement party outdoors in July. How do we indicate on the invitations of a dress code? The party theme is garden tea but the couple is very young. Is "country club casual" appropriate? Any suggestions? I do not want shorts & flip flops!! Please help!!
Dear Reader,
No matter what you put on the invitations, people will wear what they are going to wear. I have seen people show up in cutoffs and a t-shirt for weddings in South Florida, and it made me shudder however the mark of a true hostess is to make sure her guests are never uncomfortable. There's a story about a First Lady who had a formal tea with very old, delicate and expensive White House china. When a guest accidentally broke her cup and was apologizing profusely, the First Lady said "Oh no--it's not your fault, they are very fragile, see?" and then smashed hers to make the point. No matter what the bridal couple's guest show up wearing, you must hide your distress and make them welcome. One can only hope that they are well-bred enough to know that "country club casual" does not include shorts and flip-flops.

Engagement Gifts

My daughter is getting engaged soon. We'd like to know if it is proper and/or customary for her to get her boyfriend an engagement gift. Thank you.
Shopping Parents

Dear Shoppers,
In the last few years, women have started giving their fiance an engagement ring, but it's by no means a common practice or expected. If she wants to and can afford it, fine, and if not, it's not a breach of etiquette.

Wedding invitation--sort of?

I received an emailed wedding invitation, about a week before the wedding, addressed to a business group, rather than to me as an individual. The "cover email" states that the sender knows that the wedding is scheduled on a holiday weekend, so the sender wants us to be with our families, however, we can view the wedding on a website. The sender also included the sender's home address as an attachment. I have never received a wedding invitation of this sort. The person sending it is also a business acquaintance with substantial ability to dictate regarding my job. I assume that I am to send a gift?
Thanks, Confused

Dear Confused,
If one does not attend a wedding, then one is under no obligation to send a gift. The only exception is when you are close friends of trhe bride or groom and you WANT to send a gift.

College Graduation

As a graduate sending out announcements, can I have a note on my announcement telling people NOT to send money. I don't want my relatives to feel obligated as they have already pawned up money for high school graduation, bachelors degree graduation, and part of my trip to Panama. I am graduating with my Masters.

Yes you can. You simply add the words "No Gifts Please" to the announcements.Congratulations, I know how much work it is to get a Master's degree.

25th anniversary vow renewal ceremony

Dear Limo Princess,
My Mother and stepfather live in Arkansas and have decided to renew their vows and have a ceremony in September and have asked my eldest sister to plan the event and she agreed to do so. My sister and I both live in Kansas. The problem is that there was no discussion beforehand about who would pay for everything. My mother told my sister over the phone to call our step-brother in Florida and ask him to donate money and send it to her to help pay for expenses. My sister is very upset now that she realizes that Mom is expecting her to foot the bill, but she will not say anything to my mother because my Mom is and always has been a difficult person and is hard to get along with, she is pushy and argumentative. Mom also believes herself to be an expert on etiquette. My question is this: Is it proper for parents to expect their children to pay for a ceremony like this? My sister just got through spending hundreds of dollars on a retirement party for my real father, everyone was impressed, which is why Mom probably asked her to handle this event too. My sister and her husband are not wealthy, and we kids cannot afford to pay for this extravagant event. I asked my sister if she minded if I get involved and call my mom to help straighten this out before the invitations go out and my sister said NO, she is afraid another family feud will begin. My sister is very upset about this. Should I get involved, or stay out of it? HELP !

Answer:
The only way that your sister is obligated to pay for this is if it was HER idea. It is outrageous and incredibly rude for your mother to dream up this party and expect your sister to pay for it. It sounds like the only reason they are having this party to begin with is because they are jealous that your sister gave a party for your father. Your sister should write your mother a note and tell her that while she is delighted to help plan the party, her finances are not such that she can afford to pay for it. She might want to include a couple of estimates from a caterer of about what your mother can expect to have to pay for whichever type of party that she wishes to have. She should also make it clear that she has no intention of calling your stepbrother in Florida and extorting money from him. If your mother wants to renew her vows, that's lovely but it's her party and your sister is under NO obligation whatsoever to pay for a party she was coerced into planning. If Mom wants to dance and call the tune then she also needs to pay the piper. No one has the right to make you pay for a party just because you offered to help plan it, and it is preposterous to expect her to do so.

Visitors entering the Master bedroom

How appropriate is it for someone/relative to enter the master bedroom of a home without being invited?

It is incredibly rude!! The MBR is totally off limits to any guest unless they are specifically invited in by the hostess WHILE SHE IS IN THE ROOM. If they are houseguests, they knock in the morning and wait to be acknowledged and invited in before entering. At a dinner party or other non-overnight event, no polite person EVER enters the master bedroom without a specific invitation. The only exception to this is if it is a one-bedroom apartment and you must go through the bedroom to use the bathroom. Relatives are a slightly different matter, but they should still respect the sanctity of the MBR.

High school graduation gifts or cards?

Hi Limo Princess!
My daughter is graduating from high school this year and she has asked me a very interesting question that I myself am not sure how to answer.... She has friends and acquaintainces who are graduating along with her, and therefore there will be plenty of open house party invites... Some of her friends are ones that we, as her parents, have gotten a chance to get to know and I would like to give them a gift (card with $); there are also some that I don't know as well, and some that I have barely met (if at all.) My daughter asked me last night what would be the proper gift to give (if any). My daughter has next to no money of her own, so it's not a practical option for her to give cash gifts to everyone. I admit that if my daughter weren't also graduating this year, I may feel better prepared to give her friends a bigger check than it feels as though I can afford at this time. And then there was the comment my daughter made "If we all give money to each other, aren't we just defeating the purpose and trading the same money back and forth?" I'm not sure about this one. Please advise. We are not wealthy, but live in an area where just about everyone is comfortable, at least. There are a few friends who I know have some money issues and those are the ones I would feel especially like giving a check to, but I guess I need some ideas. Is it cheap if my daughter just gives a nice card to most of her friends? Thanks head of time for your answer, Linsey
Linsey,
You are not obligated to give a gift to anyone unless you attend their party--and even then it can be something small or a card. Teens use High School graduation to extract gifts from everyone they have ever met and it's ridiculous. The rule I use is if it's someone my child give/receives a birthday gift from, they are close enough to rate a graduation gift. If not, maybe a card. Graduating from high school is not an excuse to hold up your friends and family for gifts although most high school seniors use it as a way to fish for gifts.

Wedding Video

I am the mother of the bride and I received a wedding video from a relation of the groom, who was also in the wedding. The only pictures of the bride was when she was with the groom or a member of the grooms family, it was as though she had no mother or family members. The video was filled with pictures of the family members that took the video. I realize that is not uncommon, but my question is should I have received a copy of this video, it hurt my feelings.
Answer:
Oh dear. It should not have hurt your feelings, everyone videos the part of the wedding that they are interested in, and they are trying to be thoughtful by sending you a copy of the video. If you look at the video taken by someone from your side of the family, there will be a preponderance of photos from your side of the family, that's just human nature. They wanted to share the photos of your lovely daughter at her beautiful wedding with her new family members--they didn't mean any harm. Please Nora--take it in the spirit in which it was intended and enjoy it--after all, you already know what all your relatives look like--now you will recognize your daughters in-laws when you see them again at her home in years to come. Don't take it as a slight--it wasn't meant that way and the people who sent it to you would be CRUSHED if they thought they had upset you. After all, they just wanted to share it with you and it was a nice gesture on their part--most people wouldn't even have bothered.

High School Graduation Open House Attendance and Gifts

With neighbors, should I invite them as a courtesy to OUR open houses even if we are not friends. We are not enemies, but if the rule is to invite only those with a close relationship, do I still invite them as a courtesy only? Thank you again for your help.
ANSWER: The basic rule of thumb in life is to invite people that you like and wish to spend time with. If your neighbors are in this group, invite them. If they aren't, you are not under social obligation to them simply because they bought the house next to you. I personally like my neighbors--I think they are lovely people and I invite them to things because they are so terrific about getting my mail and watering my plants when I travel. I also bring them a little gift from everywhere I go as a thank you for all they do for me. My neighbors on the other side wouldn't know me if they fell over me so they aren't on my guest list.
FOLLOW-UP --QUESTION: You have been incredibly helpful in all of this. I would like to specifically ask another question. Even though I've passed on your input to him regarding the attendance of the neighbors' invite, he still wants to go with one of our children without me. The one neighbor has been to his podiatry office a few times with one of their children, so he feels obligated to go, even though we have no social or real neighborly friendship-type relationship. I told him I would be very upset if he went without me and feel this would make me look bad. I just flat out don't want to go. This girl has never spoken one sentence to us and has gone out of her way not to be friendly. Am I justified in how I am feeling, and would it be wrong for my husband to go without me? I feel like he always looks like the good guy. I am not trying to be mean, but we have no close connection with either neighbor and I feel like we are either just being use for a money gift or for courtesy only. Please help! Thank you.

ANSWER: Ahhhh my dear--you witheld pertinent information--you bad girl!! You didn't mention that he was a patient of your husband's medical practice, that makes it different--and you are right, if hubby goes and you don't it will make you look bad. You're going to have to take one for the team. Hubby is obligated to go because he does have a professional relationship with the neighbor. You should make an appearance with your husband because this neighbor considers your husband to be a friend, and by extension so are you. Since your husband wishes to attend anyway, I'm going to tell you how to be perfectly polite and still not have to spend a lot of time at the party. When you arrive with your husband, you go to the host and the graduate and you say to them: "I have the most horrible migraine, but I didn't want to miss your lovely party. I want to congratulate you on your graduation and wish you continued future success." Then you walk away and find the hostess and tell her that you are crestfallen but you must leave her party because your head is about to explode from the terrible migraine, but you wanted to thank her for inviting you and apologize for having to leave so soon, and then you leave. You will have been perfectly polite and you will get points for walking through the door when you were suffering. This should take about 5 minutes and although it's a total waste of makeup, you will have avoided slighting one of your husband's patients who no doubt refers your husband to friends. Times being what they are those referrals can be quite rewarding.

FOLLOW-UP--QUESTION: Although I don't want to, I will attend as you suggested, because I really do want to do the right thing. The only thing I can't do is lie and say I have a migraine. I'll just go and make the best of it. Thanks again for all of your advice. I really do appreciate it, and you have been incredibly helpful.

Answer:
LOL I'll send you my daughter's phone number. Talking to her ALWAYS give me a headache-I'm willing to be incredibly generous and share her with you.....10 minutes before the party--one little phone call and your head will feel like someone whacked you with a sledge hammer.

Death of a spouse during a divorce (Who says there's no God?? LOL)

Hello,
What is the proper way to address the loss of a spouse when the couple was in the middle of a divorce? Should I still send a sympathy card to the surviving spouse? What is the proper thing to say? Amy

Dear Amy,
Oh my--this is a sticky one isn't it? I think it would depend upon whether or not it was a friendly divorce. If it was an acrimonious divorce, then send the sympathy note to the children (if any) but not to the surviving spouse (assuming that she is not a suspect). Hallmark doesn't make a card for this, so send it in letter form on your personal stationery. If it was a friendly divorce and/or they were parents, then a carefully worded card would be OK. I would word it something like, "I'm sorry to hear of John's passing, even though you two were divorcing, I know you must be grieving too."Do the standard offer of "If I can help you in any way......" and let it go at that.
Limo Princess

Dinner out

Dear Limo Princess
My father, aged 86, died a week ago and the funeral was several days ago. The phone has been ringing nonstop with condolences. Is is proper for my husband and I to go out to dinner one week after his death?

Dear Adrienne,
Of course you can go out to dinner. Life goes on, and I am sure you are working diligently on the thank you notes for the food, flowers and condolence cards so you deserve a night out.I am terribly sorry for your loss.

Graduation Celebration Guest Etiquette

My husband has been the basketball/baseball coach of a few kids that are now graduating high school. Each of them is having a separate celebration of their own (not on the same day). As invited guests, how long is an appropriate time for us to stay at each celebration? Is 30 minutes too short? Is 60 minutes too long?
Thanks, Tammy

He can stay as long as he likes or leave after congratulating the graduate and wishing him/her well. If you are having a good time, then you stay--you are invited guests--if not, then you leave. There's no rule as to minimum/maximum time at a party, however if the sun is coming up and everyone has gone to bed, you may have stayed a tad too long.
Enjoy,
Limo Princess

Gift Trip Question

Hello, I am in a quandry about this situation. I just bought my husband a trip to the US Open in San Diego for Fathers Day. The trip is for two; airfare, car rental, hotel and US Open entry fees. He wants to ask a friend to go with him and charge him half the amount I paid. He figures he paid for it even tho I bought it and no one should get to go for free! I do not feel this way at all. If I get a trip, I will choose to take a friend and not dream of asking them to pay for it. If they want to buy me dinner and maybe some gas, that would be great. What do you think? Thank you for your help!

Colleen dear,Men are different in many ways from us and this situation demonstrates it perfectly. Keep in mind that with most married couples, men view all the household income as "OUR" money. Although I agree with your point of view and would do it the same way, men view this sort of thing differently than we do--and I'd bet my life that your husband presented the opportunity to his buddy along the lines of: "Hey John--I got some tickets to the US Open--wanna go with and split the cost?" to which his buddy said "Oh cool--I'm there, let me know what my half is and I'll give you a check/cash for it" because this is how men do things. It wasn't presented the way we would do it which is to say: "Jane--my husband gave me a trip for two to the spa in San Diego and I want you to come along as my guest." If a man said that to another man it would be viewed as a come-on for some unmentionable acts--it's a gender thing--and the friendship would be irreparably harmed. Close your eyes and ears to it and let it go--after all, a gift with strings isn't a gift so let him do as he wishes. This situation, like so many others, is one that causes women to shake our heads and say "MEN." in the tone we all instantly recognize and understand.
All the Best,
LimoPrincess

Husband Doesn't Answer/Return Calls

My husband often ignores calls that come in on his cell phone from his friends. He's not necessarily busy with anything at the time, he just doesn't feel like answering or talking to them and it's not like there are that many calls. We're talking about just a few friends. One friend frequently gets annoyed at this, because not only does he ignore the calls, but doesn't even return the call in a timely manner, or at all. Last night a friend he only talks to about once a month called and he again ignored it. Tonight I asked if he ever returned the call and he said he hadn't even listened to the message yet. I told him that I thought he was being rude and I was glad he wasn't one of my friends (I didn't mean it like it sounds of course). So am I out of line to think he should answer his friend's calls, or does the availability of caller id grant us that prerogative?

Dear Danica,
As you have noticed, there are very few calls. As time goes by there will be none at all since even the most devoted friend will abandon him eventually and he has only himself to blame. It's rude not to return phone calls when people leave messages but obviously he doesn't care or he'd return the calls. When he has no friends, you will know why. His behavior is no reflection on you and you aren't responsible for him so ignore it--there's nothing you can do anyway and he will learn what I have told you already in time. Obviously you are a lovely and polite person, but there's nothing you can do without antagonizing your husband, so let it go.

Charge admission to a party?

Dear Limo Princess,
My brother and future sister in law often throw parties at their house for their friends. We talked about having a bbq there for the holiday weekend and I offered to bring whatever they would like, all she needed to do was tell me beforehand. The night before the party I received a text message stating that there would be a $15 a person charge to attend. This is not the first time she has charged for dinner but since she hasn't tried in a while I assumed she had thought the better of it. I think it's tacky and am offended. Granted, they did put in the money for the food and beer, but we would have happily brought our own beer and made or brought anything that would be asked of us. Even if they had asked us to help front the bill earlier than the night before it wouldn't have been so offensive. I am considering not attending and unsure if it is my place to bring it up to her that asking people to pay a cover to come to your house is crass. I am concerned however that left unaddressed this will be a recurring issue in our relationship. I don't want to offend but I also don't want to be resentful or find excuses why we cannot attend. Is there a way to emerge from this gracefully?

Dear Reader,
I had to read your question three times and I am still horrified that someone could be so incredibly loutish as to use a social situation as an economic enterprise. Your FUTURE sister-in-law is in desperate need of a remedial course in social graces. I am convinced she was raised by wolves that were living behind the trailer park. It is about 23 light years PAST uncouth to charge someone to come to your home when they are there by your invitation--it is just simply NOT DONE--and I am amazed that ANYONE would attend anything at her home. Most certainly you should not attend this event and as for being worried about offending her I don't think it's possible for you to offend anyone who has the absolute gall to charge people for accepting an invitation. She is beyond being offended by anything short of human sacrifice and I'm wondering about that! There is NO SITUATION where charging people to attend a social event to which they were invited to is acceptable--NONE!! It is absolutely totally socially unacceptable in any situation to do this and your brother should really reconsider marrying this woman if he wants to keep his friends and family on speaking terms with him. The only socially acceptable way to share the cost of a social event is to ask people to bring a dish of whatever you ask them to make. I've hosted potlucks which are a lot of fun because I call it a recipe exchange which everyone loves because they get to taste a lot of things and get the recipes for ones they want to make in the future. There's a name for parties people are charged to attend, they are called fundraisers. People DO attend them by invitation but know they are expected to pay to attend from the beginning, they are for whatever cause and are tax deductible. Your way out of this is to tell your crass, rude and totally socially unacceptable future sister-in-law that you only attend fundraisers for causes that are tax-deductible. This will leave her speechless and baffled and might possibly clue her into the fact that she needs to learn social graces. With any luck she will do this immediately and spare your poor brother the lifetime of embarrassment that marrying this woman will heap on him. What will happen when he invites his boss for dinner? Will she present him with a bill at the end of the evening? It's too horrible to think about the many ways this woman will socially ostracize him, but perhaps he will come to his senses and insist she learn manners.

RSVP protocol-out of country wedding

Hello-My cousin is getting married this September in Italy,-where he lives(and was born and raised.) Many of the extended family lives in the United States. He has invited many of those family members in the states to attemd wedding in Italy. While some have said they will be going, others have been non-committal,or have said no, due to the cost and logisitics of making the trip. This is a person who visited us with his sisters many times when he was younger. This brings me to the question: What is the proper protocol for RSVPing to a wedding in a different country that involves significant travel and expense? We have received email invites, and I am still am trying to see if I can go to this September wedding. No deadline was set on the RSVP. How long is it appropriate to wait to tell the hosts I can or cannot go? The wedding is still 3 months away.
Sincerely, John Seattle, WA

Dear John,
Usually the wedding invitation indicates a date by which they must receive the reply, usually worded "The favour of a reply is requested by (Date)". When this is not included, at least 30 days before the wedding is when the caterer needs to have a final head count of the attendees. If the wedding is September 15, one should reply yes or no by August 15th. It sounds like a fun time, I hope you are able to attend!
Limo Princess

Response to $ Received in a Will

My partner just recently received some money through his grandfathers will. I want to make sure we respond the best way to say thank you. can you make some suggestions as to what should be written in a letter like this, words don't come easy at times like this. my partner although pleased about the money is also saddened that this will be the last connection to his grandad. the letter of thanks will be addressed to my partners uncle who took care of the will, he is a businessman in politics, so we don't want to come across too simple. can you help, there are no Hallmark cards for this topic I don't think the dollar value is relevant but just in case, it was less than $3000

Dear Reader,
It was your partner's grandfather's instructions that your partner be given the money and the uncle is required by probate law to follow through on it, you didn't get the money out of the goodness of his heart--he was required to give it to you. Your partner's uncle is acting as executor and is paid a fee by the estate, in most cases, for seeing that all of the terms and bequests in the will are carried out. A thank you note for the money is NOT required and should not be sent. If you wish to send a note, send one that thanks him for his service to the estate--NOT for the money--it wasn't his money and should not be mentioned.Here's how it should read:Dear Uncle Joe,I wanted to thank you for your help in probating Grandpa X's will. I know it's a difficult and time-consuming process and I appreciate the time and effort you put into carrying out Grandpa's wishes. I will never forget the time(s) we (insert experience here, i.e. went fishing,)and I miss Grandpa a lot. Hope all is well with you and we look forward to seeing you at (whenever--Christmas or the next time you will see him). Again, thank you so much for your help!Fondly, (or whatever)Your Partner's signatureThis note should be HAND-WRITTEN on your partner's personal stationery or in a blank on the inside Thank You card and mailed.My condolences on the loss of your grandfather.
Limo Princess

FOLLOW-UP thank you very much for the response, it will certainly be helpful to my partner.

I'm so glad I was able to help you and feel free to contact me again if I can be of further assistance

Our Wedding

Hello. Jeff and I live in Las Vegas, although we are getting married in Colorado. We have issued an open invite for everyone we know including our coworkers. Understanbly not everyone will be able to attend. I have been recieving an increasing number of inquiries regarding, if we are havng a shower or a reception localy, as well as a list of where we are registered. I have no problem with this. I would love to have something along these lines. Although, I understand it's not appropriate for the Bride to throw a shower. What shall I call this 'event' and how should I list registries? We don't want to seem rude or expectant. Thank you so much for you help with this. Shawna

Dear Shawna,
I might be able to help more if you clarify a few things; as it is a rather confusing question. What exactly is an "open invite"? Why are you getting married in Colorado? Is it going to be a large formal wedding there? Are you originally from Colorado? I ask because I'm sure I am NOT understanding you question correctly. It reads as if you are asking what to call an event that you are having in order to collect as many wedding gifts as possible from people who are unable to attend your actual wedding. While I am sure that isn't the case; there is no event that YOU or your fiance can host that will not appear as though you are having it to collect a gift without having to bear the expense of hosting them at the actual wedding. Also, people these days tend to ask where one is registered just to make it appear that they intend to send a gift (even when they don't) in order to escape from the subject. At any rate, you cannot have an event like this. The only proper way is to issue an actual formal invitation to your wedding, keeping in mind that only the guests who physically attend are obligated to send a gift. If one of your co-workers or friends wishes to hostess a bridal shower for you, that's fine, but everyone attending the shower must also receive a formal invitation to the wedding. You also cannot ask someone to have a shower for you as a bridal shower cannot be given by a sister, your mother or any other relative. When someone asks where you are registered, you may tell them verbally but to send a list of registries in an invitation is extremely tacky and makes it appear as though the event is being held to "fish" for gifts. Also, you should not be registered at more than 2 places because to recite a long list of places you are registered will, again, seem to be "fishing" for gifts. As I mentioned, please give me some clarification and I will be able to help you more

FOLLOW-UP: Thanks you did anwer most of my question. We are getting married in Colorado because that is where I am from. There will be about 150 people. As far as open invitiation we both work in the same ER and we invited everyone we work with, including our families and such. So what I thought was that we would have some sort of a reception here localy. What I understand from you is not to include the registry, which is what I was wanting to know.


Ahhh--that's different! If you are going to have a local reception that you are providing food and drink for, then the people you invite will need to know where you are registered, so you can tell those who ask where you are registered--but you would not include that information in the invitation. People will ask when they are doing the RSVP and then you can feel to tell them--an entirely different situation and perfectly socially acceptable!
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and many happy returns!
Limo Princess

Address Etiquette

How would I address a letter to a family in which the wife kept her maiden name? Would it be The Smith(husband's last name)-Jones (wife's last name) Family? Or The Jones-Smith Family? Or some other variation?Thx! Maggie

Dear Maggie,
It would depend on whether the wife kept her maiden name for professional use only and uses her husband's name socially which many women do. (I am well known in my field so I use my maiden name professionally, but socially I am Mrs. Jones not Miss Smith.)If this is the case with this couple, then address it to Mr.& Mrs. John Smith and Family. If not then address it John Smith, Mary Jones and Family.
Limo Princess

Retaking Wedding Vows

I was married in 1980 and honeymooned in Hawaii. Retiring next year - planning to take my wife and two children (with their prospective fiance's) to Hawaii to celebrate retiring from teaching after thirty years. Want to surprise my wife and re-take our vows while in Hawaii. What is etiquette - another ring - or any piece of jewelry - or do I need to worry about that and just have a special celebratory dinner after having a justice of the peace (as we did in our marriage) renew our vows. Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

Dear Paul
While no ring is REQUIRED, many men present their wives with what is called an eternity ring or a three-stone diamond ring (with the 3 diamonds representing past, present and future)to be worn in addition to the original wedding and engagement rings. It is up to you whether or not you wish to do this, but I'm sure she would love it unless she doesn't care for jewelry--which is rare in women. Both three-stone and eternity bands come in styles and sizes to fit all budgets. Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary--30 years is a major accomplishment these days!!
Wishing You Many Many More,
Limo Princess

Protocol for picking up the check

I am hosting a graduation dinner for my Granddaughter in a nice restaurant. The invitations say "hosted by" with my name.Am I responsible for picking up the entire party's bill in this instance?

Without seeing the invitation, I would have go say that you are with some caveats: Did you invite every guest that is attending? Is it an adult party? (by this I mean mostly adult family members) Are you financially able to bear the expense? Is it a small group? If you invited most of the guests and they are attending at your behest and you are financially able to take care of the bill without it becoming a huge burden and it's an intimate group (25 or so) of close family and dear friends then yes, you are responsible for the bill. HOWEVER, if your granddaughter invited a lot of her friends and the party has ballooned out of control, far past what you can comfortably afford, then your granddaughter will need to do something along the lines of sharing the expense with her parents.
Limo Princess

Boyfriend of ex-spouse at former spouse's family reunion

My ex-spouse and I have four minor children and she has primary custody. My family, one of the earliest in Florida, has a reunion and she has received the generic invitation as the primary custodian of the children. Our divorce is not amicable and actually very acrimonious. She has insisted on bringing her boyfriend to all events, even those that are for adults only. I can suffer her attendance at the ones that the children would be attending but object to his attendance at any event,and to both of them at the all adult event. Neither of them have any direct relationship with anyone beyond her prior marriage to me. She is quite pushy and my family overly polite so she is counting on no one raising an objection other than me. What say you? PS Five weeks ago I was expressly told by her twin sister that I was excluded from an informal gathering of her brother and sisters and their respective children even though her twin and I were married for 15 years.--Furious in Florida

Dear F in FL,
Sadly, you are not going to be able exclude your ex-wife from attending this event because she WAS, in an excess of politeness, issued an invitation. You must take the high road as much as it pains you to do so and put up with the fact that she has brought her new boyfriend to the event. You might be able to have some fun by telling her it's black tie when it's casual or that it's a barbecue when it is black tie. (Forgive me--I'm evil--sorry!) Obviously she is extremely ill-bred to attend an event at which she must know she is not welcome and you are far better off being rid of her. Even more obvious is the fact that she is attending with her boyfriend to irritate you, and your very best action is to totally ignore her. Do not react to anything she says or does, no matter how egregious her behavior, as she is beneath your notice. In the future, issue any written invitations directly to your children, i.e. Miss Jane Jones, Miss Sarah Jones, Master John Jones and Miss Judy Jones individually so that there can be no mistaking that she is absolutely not invited. I'd also cut off any further communication with her side of the family, nothing irritates people more than being totally ignored. As for her twin sister, nothing is ruder than telling someone about a party they were not invited to attend, and the perfect reply would have been to tell her you how delighted you are to hear that her trailer park was allowing parties again.
Meow My Dear,
Limo Princess

Graduation Attire

My daughter is graduating from high school on June 1. I haven't been to a graduation in many years. What is the appropriate attire for my 15 year old sons and my husband and myself. The ceremony is in an auditorium.
Lynn

Dear Lynn,
It really depends on where you are going afterwards. Most parents wear "business casual" i.e. polo shirt and slacks for the Dads and slacks and a blouse for the Moms. Obviously if you are going to a nice party or restaurant after the ceremony, then dress for where you are going after the graduation. Your younger son can get away with slacks or jeans--but I'd wear make mine wear slacks. If it's a fancy private school then dress up a bit more than if it's the local public school in a farming community.
Limo Princess

Grad Gift in a Blended Family

My husbands friend of many years(they only really socialize for hunting, the friend came to our daughters wedding 8 years ago and a grad party. The friend, Jim, has always lived about 3 hours away. When he remarried 3 years ago we went to the wedding, his new wife came with 3 daughters and he had a daughter and son we know somewhat. We have only met Betsi, the new wife, beifly 3 times and her daughters VERY beiefly at their wedding (in the reception line). His son and one of her daughters are both graduating from high school next week. We recieved an announcement/open house invite for Josh, his son, and in the same envelope one for her daughter, who we don't know. We expected the one for Josh but not one for Katie. The question is...... how do we respond in the gift department, we cannot attend the open house and would normally send a gift of money to Josh. Are we expected to send a gift to Katie? Is it expected to be of equal amount or should we split the difference so to speak and send a little less to him and a little more to her (ending up equal) Or do we even need to gift the stepsister since we don't know her at all or her mother very well??? If this is confusing I apoligize in advance.
Thank You, Not Sure What To Do

Dear Not Sure,
You are not required to give a gift to the graduate unless you attend the party, but I understand your situation. Send a card and a token gift to the daughter--there are people who will be in the reverse situation--and send the boy whatever you were originally going to send him.

Who is a in-law?

Hello Princess,
Who is a inlaw? I was told that only the sibling of your spouse is considered a inlaw, the spouse of your inlaw is just that, a spouse. Could you clarify that for me?
Thank you,April

An in-law is your husband's immediate family. Your sister-in-law's husband is sort of an in-law but there's not an official RULE on it. A lot depends on how close you are to your in-laws. I am blessed with great in-laws but my husband is an only child. His Aunts and Uncles are like my aunts and uncles and I call them Aunt Jane and Uncle Jack. My brother's wife is my sister-in-law and I consider her sister to be a friend although she is also the aunt of their children, just as I am. I think it's where the term "kissing cousin" came from--you are sort of related but not really if you know what I mean. I would introduce them as "My sister-in-law Susan and her husband John" to strangers which would be perfectly proper. Theoretically, only the sibling of your spouse is your in-law but in the grand scheme of things, there's no such thing as too many people to love, is there?
Limo Princess

Panty hose and open toe shoes

Is it proper etiquette to wear panty hose (sheer toe) with open toe shoes for a Northeastern wedding in October?---Vietta

Dear Vietta,
Yes, it is. I've also seen some pantyhose that have open toes--a little band you put your toes through and it hugs the ball of your foot leaving your pretty toes bare. If you wear those, do make sure to have a pedicure--I saw an Oscar nominee in strappy sandals and her feet and toes were positively SKANKY!! She was wearing Mark Jacobs $500,000.00 diamond sandals with no pantyhose, skanky DIRTY toes with her toenails all chipped and broken. It was truly horrifying--and she WON the Oscar for Best Supporting which means the photo of her skanky feet in those diamond sandals was in every magazine! UGH! It's a good thing she can sing because those feet.....it would have taken a belt sander to file down those hooves!
Limo Princess

Graduation Parties

Hi,If you have a graduation party (for H.S.) that is more formal and not an open house, what is the etiquette for gifts? If you didn't write anything on the invite about gifts, who would and who wouldn't bring gifts?
Thanks-Joe

Graduation gifts for High School are totally optional, no one is required or expected to bring a gift even though high school kids routinely use graduation as an opportunity to shamelessly fish for gifts. Mom and Dad might come up with a gift and maybe Grandma or Aunt Betty, but it's not a requirement--a "Congratulations" is all that is necessary to be socially proper. If someone wants to give a gift, it is entirely at their discretion and not required.

Her husband has been cheating on her.

Dear Princess,
A friend of my boyfriend's has just filed for divorce after finding out her husband has been cheating on her. This comes as a complete shock to all of us, and is really very devastating. We are seeing her tonight for the first time at a very small get together. Is there proper etiquette of how to act, what to do or say, whether to bring something for her (a bottle of wine) as a gesture? Although she might not want to talk about it, I don't want to not acknowledge how sorry we are.
Sympathetically Baffled

Dear Reader,
Here is what you do: When you see her, you take her hand and give it a gentle squeeze and give her a reassuring smile. If she wants to talk about it she will--but this gesture tells her you are there for her.

Bar mitzvah invitation etiquette

My fiance and I have been together for three years and living together for one. We are in the process of planning my son's bar mitzvah. My son's father hasn't had any contact with him for the past four years. Is it okay to say our son on the invitation in place of my son? Also is it okay at th bottom of the invitation to just have our first names?Please help us.
Thank you,Eileen

Dear Eileen,
As you are not yet married to your fiance, the invitation must come from you alone. You cannot obscure the fact that you are not married yet by using only your first names on the invitations. You are the hostess and your name alone is the only one on the invitations.
Limo Princess
Posted by Ask the Limo