Question:
My girlfriend of 7 months has been widowed for over two years. she only was married for 10 days and dated him for 4 months. it was tragic..but she still wears the wedding ring and has pics of them everywhere. we've been together for awhile so im asking is my feelings of time to put some things away correct? am i being a jealous guy? i just feel uncomfortable....help
Answer:
Tragically for everyone, she was widowed while she was still in the full-fledged stars-in-her-eyes madly in love stage. This makes it extremely difficult because she never got to see the human side of him--the guy who scratches, farts, leaves the toilet seat up and doesn't shave on weekends. Additionally, she was still in the honeymoon stage of the relationship, so you are competing with a memory and that's tough--plus he DIED--she didn't have to divorce him and fight for her half and child support--all the things that make someone ready to leave an old love behind, she did NOT have. If she's still wearing her wedding ring on her left hand, then she's not ready to be in a relationship with you. If it's on her right hand, she's still not ready to move on. At some point, she will need to put his photos away and take off the ring, but she's not there yet and you might want to rethink this relationship because he is always going to be there. It's tough to live with a third party in a relationship--especially if it's a ghost. She has a tragic story that makes everyone feel sorry for her and some people DO get addicted to sympathy and the attention it brings--sometimes they do terrible things to keep getting it--Munchhausen-by-proxy comes to mind. Take a couple of steps back and take a look at your situation. Does she tell everyone she's a widow? Does she tell the story to relative strangers as well as people she meets through you? Does she seem to enjoy being the sad, tragic widow and the attention? If she does, you've got bigger problems than a few photos in the house and a ring!
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QUESTION:
i agree...but, it the stages before we met, she was parting quite a bit. Bars, and a lot of dating activity. Thats all fine i guess..but it makes the whole grieving widow thing hard to swallow. I know she still hangs on to her past, but i am totally at a loss sometimes. I really need to know where we stand? you think this is a healthy realitionship? i love her, but.....
ANSWER:
Read the original answer I sent again. She was widowed in TEN DAYS, Life fucked her over--God has a sense of humor and he drinks--a LOT. You either deal with it or you walk away--she has to find her own answers in this situation. She was out drinking because she needed the anesthesia alcohol brings and because she got so royally fucked over, she had needs that I can only begin to comprehend--and I'm a woman. If you love her, ride it out and at some point she will get past this--it's really only been a short time. If you love her and want to spend your life with her, 7 months is NOTHING in a lifetime. Let it ride for 5 more months--that's a year, hopefully by then she will have come to terms with it. She's still in the grieving process and you have to let her finish it her way as we all grieve differently. Keep in touch--I'd like to see how this goes
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QUESTION: i will keep in touch..do you have a personal email?
