Question:
Hi Teri,I'm a 22-year old male, and I have sort of an etiquette question for you. I have a friend who has been asking me to go swimming with him on campus at the university we go to (it's his favourite leisure activity), and I've been sort of making up excuses each time he asks. The truth of the reason why I don't want to go is that I'm a little bit overweight and out-of-shape, and, although I was planning to start exercising (and even swimming) at the athletics centre on campus this fall, I am really self-conscious about my body, and, in particular, would feel uncomfortable exercising 'with' someone because I would be nervous about not being able to keep up, etc.. I can't keep making up excuses not to swim, so I want to just be honest with my friend, but I don't want to hurt his feelings by saying that I'd feel uncomfortable exercising with someone I know (but that is, in all honesty, the reason why!). I also don't want to lie, though, and say something like I have a phobia of water, because like I say, I was planning to try to start swimming or working out on campus this fall myself anyway, so if he did run into me while I was doing this, of course that would be very awkward if I'd said that I couldn't swim or something. Sorry for the long preamble...my question basically is, how could I explain to my friend why I don't want to swim (or do other exercise) with him (i.e. that I'm uncomfortable exercising with someone I know because I'm too self-conscious about my weight, etc.) in a way that wouldn't hurt his feelings? He sent an e-mail asking if I'd go swimming Friday evening, so I have to think of a way to explain why I can't, soon. Thanks so much for any advice you can give me on this. I'd really appreciate your help. Sincerely,Ken
Hi Teri,I'm a 22-year old male, and I have sort of an etiquette question for you. I have a friend who has been asking me to go swimming with him on campus at the university we go to (it's his favourite leisure activity), and I've been sort of making up excuses each time he asks. The truth of the reason why I don't want to go is that I'm a little bit overweight and out-of-shape, and, although I was planning to start exercising (and even swimming) at the athletics centre on campus this fall, I am really self-conscious about my body, and, in particular, would feel uncomfortable exercising 'with' someone because I would be nervous about not being able to keep up, etc.. I can't keep making up excuses not to swim, so I want to just be honest with my friend, but I don't want to hurt his feelings by saying that I'd feel uncomfortable exercising with someone I know (but that is, in all honesty, the reason why!). I also don't want to lie, though, and say something like I have a phobia of water, because like I say, I was planning to try to start swimming or working out on campus this fall myself anyway, so if he did run into me while I was doing this, of course that would be very awkward if I'd said that I couldn't swim or something. Sorry for the long preamble...my question basically is, how could I explain to my friend why I don't want to swim (or do other exercise) with him (i.e. that I'm uncomfortable exercising with someone I know because I'm too self-conscious about my weight, etc.) in a way that wouldn't hurt his feelings? He sent an e-mail asking if I'd go swimming Friday evening, so I have to think of a way to explain why I can't, soon. Thanks so much for any advice you can give me on this. I'd really appreciate your help. Sincerely,Ken
Answer:
Ken--here's your answer: Dude--I'd love to swim with you but the beer and chips have put some pounds on me and I want to take them off before I let anyone feast their eyes on my lily-white bod. I plan to start taking care of this in the very near future, but in the interim I don't want to be harpooned at the pool! Best Regards,Moby Dick That should do it--it's honest with a touch of self-deprecating humor.
