Question:
My son will be married on September 12, 2008. His fiance has no manners, no social graces, no etiquette! My husband and I are hosting their wedding/reception of 250 guests. HOw do I instruct my new daughter-in-law the simple social etiquette - introductions, table manners, greetings and thank yous.
Answer:
Dear GOD--where did he meet her?? I have bad news for you, you cannot do anything as you are not her mother and are not responsible for her upbringing. To try to instruct her in social graces is going to make you seem patronizing and meddling and will not be viewed favorably by either your son or his soon-to-be wife. I'm amazed that he did not realize how unsuitable she is as a wife; or what a handicap she is going to be to his future employment and career prospects as the wife is always vetted for important jobs or making partner in a firm. However there is nothing you can do until she asks for help, if ever. If she has no table manners, you can possibly nudge her in the correct direction by taking her to lunch at a restaurant so formal that she will have no idea what to do without asking you which may give you an opening to address table manners. You could also buy her a book and give it to her anonymously in the wedding gifts or make up a name that won't be familiar to her or your son and when asked, you can tell her that it's a distant relative and suggest that she read it as you had an earlier copy of the book when you were her age and it helped you.It's also been my observation that marriages like this tend to be short-lived when the party of the higher social class realizes how far down he has married as you can teach manners, but you cannot teach class. I've met millionaires with no class (lottery winners) and I've taught them etiquette and manners but they will never have class. I've also met some people of very modest means that had class to burn--it's all in how they were raised. If your future DIL has natural class then some remedial manners/etiquette will turn her from a sow's ear to a silk purse, but if she doesn't then pray your son realizes the mistake he has made before there are grandchildren.
